Romancing the farm
You are driving down a back road and you notice chickens pecking in the yard of a big white house. That’s when it happens you fantasize what it would be like to live there. Children playing in the yard, the sound of the farm animals in the background. It’s a beautiful, romantic feeling. The desire to go back to your roots. You are already imagining yourself with basket gathering eggs from the coop.
Let me tell you what you don’t see. You don’t see the farmer holding a dying animal in her arms praying to God to breathe life back into it. You don’t see the farmer praying that the rain will stop flooding his fields or the rain will come and stop the drought. You don’t see the heartache or the feed bills. This life is not for the faint of heart. Sometimes i question if this life is even for us. I question my sanity. I question putting my children through this. I question the strain it puts on my life, my husband‘s, my family. Each day we have struggles this life is not for everyone i definitely wouldn’t suggest it to just anyone.
Today is one of the bad days. The day i held a sweet life in my arms as she took her final breath and questioned everything i did for her up until that moment. It’s the same thing i do with every life lost. I shed tears, I pray, and i question our choice for this life. As my husband buries her sweet body I continue to feed and care for the others. Maybe tomorrow will be the romantic feeling again but as for today I will morn the loss and question my sanity. RIP sweet little Juniper